Extra! Extra! Read All About It!

DID YOU KNOW?

In North Carolina, all couples staying overnight in a hotel must have a room with double beds that are at least two feet apart. Making love in the space between the beds is strictly forbidden.

(I wonder if it is against the law to push the beds together.......LOL?)

See this and many other fascinating laws at:


http://crazytopics.blogspot.com/2007/01/craziest-laws-in-america.html

and scroll down for cartoons!!

GOOOOOGLE-SCHMOOOOOGLE

By now, most of you may know that Google is building (maybe) a facility in western North Carolina. I haven't fully followed the stories in the paper, but I know there has been some consternation at the tactics Google used to get the "powers that be" to give them all sorts of perks.

This cartoon in our paper, by Dwane Powell, speaks to the massaging that politicoes in NC were providing the people representing Google.

In light of the recent massaging that Google + Blogger has given all of us using Blogger (and not a good, relaxing massage, I must say), I found this amusing and apropos. The words in the middle, which Powell has the Google rep saying, could be turned around on them - and I would if I was able to figure out how to contact them directly.

Talk about hassles and inconvenience! The ONLY way I have been able to access my Dashboard or to moderate comments is to first leave a comment on a blog on which I can sign in with the Google email address and password. If I do that, I can access the account for about 30 minutes. If I leave it, the next time I come back I have to go all the way through the process again. It is time-consuming and completely aggravating, especially when I have less time than usual. There is no way I can sign in the way everyone else does; when I try to, the page goes blank.

Picasa, the Google photo service is also at odds with my new Blogger status. I used to be able to post directly from Picasa, but now they pretend not to know me (although I can send email from there, and I can access my web albums, etc.

Wouldn't you think that since Google-Blogger-Picasa are now all part of the same conglomerate, they would work smoothly together? Me too.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This caricature of me was drawn by the same man who drew the cartoon above. He was doing them as a favor to a local charity; we paid $5 each for a drawing that would have cost much more had we hired him individually. He asked me what I did for a living and I said florist. He thought for a minute and then started drawing - and I was amused at the result. Seems he is creative in several areas of his life.

(I just now realized I had already posted this caricature before. Bear with me while I try to complete this phase of "Senior Moments" I've been in lately!)

Marriage is a Two Way Street

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette


When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Post # 1,000 (yeah, really, it is)

As you slide down the banister of life, remember.....

Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called "Ministers Do More Than Lay People."


My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is gone.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too.

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. (a personal favorite!)


A blonde said, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid."

I'm so depressed. My doctor refused to write me a prescription for Viagra. He said it would be like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building.

My neighbor was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to see how he was And found him writing frantically on a piece of paper. I told him rabies Could be treated, and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said,"Will? What Will? I'm making a list of the people I want to bite."


As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

Word Play

A Resume


1. My first job was working in an Orange Juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.

2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

3. After that, I tried to be a Tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it--mainly because it was a sew-sew job.

4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory, but that was too exhausting.

5. Then, I tried to be a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.

6. I attempted to be a Deli Worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.

7. My best job was a Musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.

8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor, but I didn't have any patience.

9. Next was a job in a Shoe Factory, I tried but I just didn't fit in.

10. I became a Professional Fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

11. I managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company, but the work was just too draining.

12. So then I got a job in a health club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.

13. After many years of trying to find steady work! , I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.

14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!

(No, I didn't write it...LOL)

The Year of the Blonde

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels. (Helllloooo!!!... bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!)

March - Got really excited; finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.. (Box said "2-4 years!")


April - Trapped on escalator for hours...( power went out)


May - Tried to make Kool-Aid... wrong instructions. (8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!)


June - Tried to go water skiing... (couldn't find a lake with a slope).


July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition... (Learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!)


August- Got locked out of my car in rain storm... (car swamped because soft-top was open.)


September- The capital of California is "C"... isn't it?


October- Hate M&M's... (they are so hard to peel.)


November- Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days... (instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!)


December- Couldn't call 911... "duh"... (there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!)

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"

"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ***********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

************************************************


I prepared this post several days ago when I was sick and mr. kenju was persona non grata around here. Since then, he has settled down and I have almost recovered from whatever it was that laid me low. But this was too much fun to delete, so here you have it.