Justaskjudy

I found this site recently www.bitterwaitress.com and sent it to a friend whom I knew would enjoy the humor in it. Here is his slightly edited response to me:

"I am saving this site. I know that retirees (not ME of course) are the cheapest of the cheapskates in tipping. They go for the earlybird dinner specials, leave two quarters, and walk out with toothpicks dangling from their thin-lipped mouths. Awaiting them in the parking lot is their four door white retiree car with mud flaps, AAA stickers, and a nylon meshwad on the radio antenna. Most are from (I have erased the name of the state, so as to avoid their slings and arrows) the "moonpie face" state. For some reason most of them are fat and pale. They all wear old fashioned glasses, live in a condo, trailer, etc. and have a multicolored hand-knitted throw on the couch. Lampshades are encased in plastic. Throw rugs are everywhere. The bathroom has enough fluff crap on the toilet and floor to harbor every fatal disease known to mankind. Oh, I forgot the biggest sin of all: MOTHBALLS!"

Does this funny guy have the old folks pegged, or what?

I must admit, however, that I have been to homes where the lampshades AND the couches are encased in plastic, the bathrooms are covered in fuzzy chenille stuff with crocheted toilet paper covers, and every article of clothing they wear reeks of mothballs. The trouble is, some of these people aren't even old yet. Part of it is the cultural context they grew up with (old habits die hard, I've heard).

My Mom was the throw rug queen of our state. Every floor had carpet, and every carpet had throw rugs following the traffic paths. Sometimes, she laid plastic runners over the carpet and throw rugs. It was a tripping hazard, so I finally convinced her she had to remove all the rugs before she or my dad fell. She thought she was "saving" the carpet from spots, but I am sorry to report that the carpet was still stained and spotted anyway, and she just threw more rugs over the spots. An odd side note to this is that my mom took up rug hooking in her middle years. She made 5 rugs, none of which ever saw the light of day while she lived. She didn't want her rugs to get dirty or worn, so she rolled them up and stored them in a cabinet. What is the irony in that?! They are beautiful and I can assure you that they are used and loved in my home.

An uncle and aunt of my husband's, who lived in NYC, had couches with heavy plastic slipcovers on them (with zippers yet!). It was like sitting down on a hot plastic table cloth at a picnic. They thought the plastic was wonderful, since their white damask couches were just as pristine as the day they were delivered. There's no telling how much 'back of the leg' skin was sacrificed to that plastic over the years!

I can remember homes that had so much stuff in the bathrooms: fuzzy chenille rugs, toilet covers, seat covers, lid covers, etc. Why don't people realize how much of a health hazard that is? If no one ever missed a toilet bowl, it would be fine. But since we all know that one of the two sexes seldom hits the bowl, the less fabric near it - the better!

Lastly, I will say that mothballs ought to be outlawed - or at least - made to smell better than they do. We sometimes eat at a local cafeteria (but not the earlybird specials). It is not too bad in the spring and summer, but when cool weather rolls around, and the winter coats come out of storage, you cannot stand in line there without being totally overcome with the fumes from moth balls. Give it a break, people. Moths have to eat too!

I stole this from Amba at: http://ambivablog.typepad.com It is the May 13th post. I think it will be interesting to see how other people answer these questions, so please feel free to copy it and write your own answers. Please do NOT open the link to the key until after you have written your answers!

The Cube. Answer each question for yourself thoroughly before moving on to the next.

1.) Imagine a desert landscape. It's very simple . . . horizon, sand, sky, whatever you see when you think of a desert.

2.) In this desert there is . . . a cube!
What does the cube look like? What's it made of (if you know)? What color is it? How big? Is it sitting on the sand, or in some other position? How close or far away is it?

3.) In this desert there is also a ladder. Where is it (in relation to the cube)? What is it made of? What position is it in? Does it have many rungs? A few rungs?

4.) In this desert there now appears . . . a horse. Where is the horse? What color is it? What is it doing? Does it have on a saddle or bridle, or not?

5.) Now, somewhere in the desert there is a storm. What kind of storm is it? Where is it? And does it affect the cube, the ladder, the horse, or not?

6.) Finally, somewhere in the desert are flowers. Where are they (in relation to the cube, ladder, horse, storm)? What kind are they? Are they many or few? Scattered or clustered?

Amba says:
You're welcome to post your resultant visions in the Comments. (I've never met anyone who couldn't do this, even those who protest that they can't visualize. Everybody sees something, and everybody sees something completely different.)
And here's the Key, but don't read it until after you have written your asnwers!
Download the_key_to_the_cube
(Sorry 'bout the coding in there. It's still readable.)

My answers:

1. My desert landscape reveals mountains in the distance, with silhouettes of saguaro cactus piercing the sky. The sand is dry and windblown like the tumbleweeds, and it covers almost everything in view, except the large rocks clustered here and there. The sky is darkening; sunset is approaching and the sky is red-orange and pink.
2. The cube is a huge reddish rock, somewhat asymmetrical and angular. It juts out of the sand in the middle-distance, as though it has been pushed up by volcanic activity. It is not old, for the edges are sharp and new.
3. An odd looking ladder, handmade from saplings and tree branches is leaning up against the rock, with enough rungs to reach the top of the cube, if one dares to climb it.
4. A horse appears on the horizon, bound for the cube. He is a palomino, free as the wind, a wild thing bent on escape from I know not what.
5. An approaching storm gives the horse pause. Will he get to the shelter of the cube before the storm reaches him? Winds and rain pelt the cube, blowing the ladder down to the sand and burying it quickly.
6. The moisture brings small purple flowers forth as far as the eye can see; seemingly by magic they appear out of nowhere. The cacti also bloom, responding to the life-giving rain and raising their arms in thanks.

What were your answers? I have not opened the link to the key yet; after I do, I might have more to say.

As a Bride, professional wedding florist, Mother of a Bride, Mother of a Groom and Mother of a Bride to Be, I am uniquely equipped to speak to that. Greed shows an ugly face in so many ways during the planning and executing of a wedding. Not many people read or subscribe to the old theories on polite etiquette anymore, or so it seems from where I sit. And way too many brides look for ways to turn their nuptials into money-making schemes.

I read often the forum/post area of a wedding web-site (www.theknot.com) where brides, mom's, lurkers and vendors like me can read what others have written or questioned in the planning of their weddings and honeymoons. They rant about future mothers-in-law, their own mothers - who are "forever" trying to take over the planning and style of the wedding ( imagine that! ). They ask their parents to pay for what sometimes turns out to be an extravaganza (starring the bride) and yet they don't want to allow the parents any say in how the money is allocated. They buy tacky favors, print long wordy programs, choose unflattering bridesmaid's dresses in trendy color schemes - and worse yet - some of them plan "theme weddings" in the style of fairy tales or theme parks. Do I sound bitter? I am really not - although after 23 years in the business - it begins to wear on you.

But every now and then, a young woman comes along who realizes that a wedding is - or should be - tasteful and elegant. She allows her parents some say in the budget, she errs on the side of understatement and grace. She attempts to choose a dress which can be worn again, or at least one that will not embarrass a bridesmaid to be seen in. She does not insist on thousands of flowers solely to impress the multitudes and she limits the number of attendants instead of having every person she sat next to in school, or her entire sorority from college. Unfortunately, there are not enough brides like this, but when one comes along, it is a joy to work with her and her family to produce the wedding of her dreams.