Today's Trip to Hell (Otherwise Known As the Dept. of Motor Vehicles)

Do you dread renewing your driver's license? This won't make you feel any better about it. My last license was obtained 5 years ago and I have dreaded this day for almost that long, even though I didn't have to take a test other than the ones for the eye check and sign recognition.

Regarding the newest Division of Motor Vehicles Driver's License Office close to my home, a woman I passed in the parking lot said....."Could they find a more remote place for this?"

The first thing I encountered as I left the car was a partially crushed six pack of empty Corona bottles, just to the left of my front tire. Thankfully, I had missed the worst pieces, but some small ones were clinging to my tire. I thought for sure I would come out to find it flat, but it was normal (at least for now).

A people watcher's nirvana is how the waiting room could be described. From the pimply teenagers taking tests for the first time to a woman at least 85, who had to be led into the building (and therefore was not exactly a good candidate for a new license, in my humble opinion), the parade of interesting humanity marched past. The book I took to pass the time lay in my lap unopened, since the show in the waiting room was just too good to miss. In spite of very cool air conditioning, there were women dressed as if they were going to a nightclub (tank tops so small as to be virtually non-existent) and older women dressed as if winter had set in last night, in coats and various headgear designed to keep the (also non-existent) wind at bay. There were a couple of guys who slept, and who, I imagined had downed the Coronas before smashing the bottles I nearly drove on. I doubt they'll get their new licenses today.

When my number was called, I approached the desk with some trepidation. My examiner (as they are called) was an attractive woman of about 45-50, who apparently has been disappointed a few times in life and wears that on her face like a mask. She had all the personality and animation of a 1950's cartoon robot, with a voice to match. I realize they have a script to follow and God knows they have to say it 100 times a day - or more - but couldn't she have injected a modicum of warmth? I guess that would have been too much trouble. I was able to read all of the eye charts and I recognized 11 or the 12 road signs, so I quickly passed on to the lobby where you wait to have your photo taken.

Believe it or not, I had not remembered about having to have my photo taken. I know, you are thinking "How could she be that dumb? Everyone knows when you go to the DMV they take your photo!" Anyway, I wore a red blouse and no makeup and my hair looked just about like it does when I get out of bed in the morning. Truly. So you can imagine what your pic would look like if you were in that condition (you can't imagine me because you don't know what I look like - do you?) I looked like someone who was just released from Central Prison and I really hate the fact that this photo will be shown to every Tom, Dick and Harry for the next five years! The last photo was bad enough, with the huge, out-of-date, purple eyeglass frames looking like a gigantic bug sitting on my nose. This time, she made me remove my glasses due to the glare. So I looked like a half-blind female Mr. Magoo, trying to locate the camera!

While I was waiting for the finished license, I went to the ladies room. A disaster in the making, it was a horrible mess. Of the two stalls, only one was usable (the other one being padlocked) and the toilet handle had broken off, the top was removed, and the bowl was packed with toilet tissue. You'd better believe I ran out as soon as I looked at it. I decided I could wait to use another facility. I think I know why that stall was padlocked: I bet it is the one that the women examiners use and they have to padlock it to keep it clean. Next time, I'll take a hack saw with me........