Wednesday, June 22, 2005

The Old Hollywood Squares

I hope you hadn't noticed, but I am in a dry spell (creativity wise) and grasping at straws for interesting posts. Hope you enjoy this one; another email gem from a friend:

If you remember the original "Hollywood Squares" and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous and clever, not scripted and (often) dull, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host.
Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake!
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Campfire Girls? A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out
.Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and Laugh.


Christine said...

This was really fun and made me giggle!

Glad you liked the poem and please share away! =)

Weary Hag said...

Love it love it love it! Nothing wrong with a good paste and cut on occasion. This one was precious.

Kathy said...

Funny! Here visiting again from Michele, I have got to start coming on my own, eh? Have a nice day!

Keith said...

Thanks. Needed a laugh this morning.

Gerbera Daisy said...

Thanks for the smiles this morning. ;-) I remember the original Hollywood Squares and it's comics. The show was much more entertaining then than it is now.

Angie said...

I do remember the original show. I have never liked any of the hosts nor celebrity squares that have followed.

What was the name of the game show with 3 contestants and 6 celebrities. The celebrities had to offer answers and the contestants had to decide which was the correct answer. Charles Nelson Riley and Betty White were 2 of the most commonly seen celebrities. I can clearly see the show but I cannot think of the name.

vicki said...

That was great, Judy. I'm playing catch up after a hectic week and this is just what I need to start the day. Thanks!
P.S. I happen to know you got tagged somewhere- saw it with my own eyes. :-)

TW said...

Thanks for dropping by my site--and for your thoughts for the little girl with e-coli.

These are great. I'm going to have to send them on.

Maria said...

Thanks for help starting my morning with a smile and a giggle. Yes, I remember the old Hollywood Squares with much affection. There were so many wonderful, spontaneous answers. What very clever people.

rugdesigner said...

I remember watching the show with all of these people on. They were so funny. Thanks for posting this. It was great fun to read!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

"His feet." Ho ho har de har har, as Jackie would say.

Duke_of_Earle said...

"Make him bark."

I laughed for ten minutes!

Good stuff.


Paul said...

Too Funny! Too Good! Too Funny!
Nice one. said...

Greg from Hasty Ruminations posted this quite awhile back. It was even funnier seeing it again here! That Paul Lynde was a scream.

Mona said...

Hollywood Squares is PRICELESS. Great post (in the midst of not knowing what to post!) and thank you so much for visiting my site!

poopie said...

Ahhh..those were the days ;)

Wickwire said...

Talk about quick witted folks! Those were so funny!

Webmistress@PaulLynde.Info said...

(I seem to be having a problem posting this comment - hope I've not created a billion of them!)

Check out my website for audio AND video clips of some of Paul's zingers!