Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Could You Call a Friend AT 4:00 AM?

"Is there someone in your life whom you would feel comfortable phoning at four in the morning to tell your troubles to? If your answer is yes, you will likely live longer than someone whose answer is no. For George Vaillant, the Harvard psychiatrist who discovered this fact, the master strength is the capacity tobe loved. Conversely, as the social neuroscientist John Cacioppo has argued, loneliness is such a disabling condition that it compels the belief that the pursuit of relationships is a rock-bottom fundamental to human well-being. ..."


This quote comes from   
Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being
by Martin E. P. Seligman by Free Press

I would certainly like to think that I have some very good friends, to whom I could go at any time to discuss my troubles - but calling anyone at 4:00 AM??   NO way. What do you think? 

16 comments:

Lynn said...

I'm thinking there are any number of people I COULD call at that hour, but WOULD I? Not unless it was an emergency. :)

Granny Annie said...

What a wonderful question. It did my heart good to realize that I have several friends I could call at 4AM and they could also call me at the same hour because we would never abuse the privilege and would know it was an important call.

OldLady Of The Hills said...

At this stage of my life, the people I could call at 4 am have dwindled down to maybe two....(There were more, believe it or not)....But....I would only do that in am emergency. Back in the day, it might have been just to talk...but those special people are now dead.

LL Cool Joe said...

I suppose I can think of one or two people I could call but I wouldn't. Not unless I'd hit rock bottom.

Anonymous said...

For the past 50 years, I've had a friend who, not only called me at 2:00am (she thought she saw a UFO), but would think nothing of my calling her at 4:00am - as long as I didn't expect her to be able to make sense!
Cop Car

Arkansas Patti said...

I agree with Cool Joe. Some I could but it would have to be a dire emergency for me to do it.

Mar said...

I am lucky to have friends in very different time zones... At 4am I would only call an ambulance, only an emergency call. I LOVE to sleep and completely dislike it when someone interrupts my night rest. So I do to others like I would have them do to me. Wait: I would pick up the phone and listen to a friend at 4am my time, but wouldn't do it the other way around. Maybe because I am not a telephone person!

Peruby said...

They would certainly think I was drunk.

Ginnie said...

If I were truly in need I wouldn't hesitate to call one of three very close friends and would expect them to do the same ... even at 4AM. What kind of friend would I be if I had to make time restrictions on your calls?

Pat said...

I agree with Joey. I'd have to be quite desperate.

Merle said...

Hi Judy ~~Thank you so much for your birthday wishes and
compliments in Peter's photos.
Both of those were very much appreciated. Thank you.
There are a couple of people
I could call at 4 am, but I would wait for a later hour to ring them. I don't mind late callers, but not early ones so much. Take care my friend, Love, Merle.

Nancy said...

Judy,

Honestly, I can't think of one person I would be comfortable calling at 4 A.M. with any problem EXCEPT an emergency.

For an emergency I have several people I would call and who would feel free to call me.

Gilly said...

No, I couldn't call anybody at 4.0am!! I am rather devoid of friends like that! Though in a dire emergency I could call my daughter!

Celia said...

I have two friends I could call, one would be up (chronic nightowl) and the other might not hear the phone, plus there's my sisters. I would answer myself. It would have to be desperation as at that hour they surely would think someone had died.

tiff said...

I realize that I might well call, but I don't know their numbers.

Must rectify that.

joared said...

Friends living in different time zones found this to be a boon for us allowing them to be able to occasionally call me on the West Coast from their 3 hours later homes on the East Coast. Originally, the calls were just on rare occasion with the clear understanding either of us could decline to talk for any reason. Then the calls value changed when one of them had a spouse with unexpected cancer so the calls were prompted for other reasons -- even more unexpectedly in a few years the calls were prompted one after the other by circumstances associated with each of them being unbelievably diagnosed with cancer. Reasons for their earlier calls seemed trivial by comparison through those following years. Then first one ceased to call, later the other, too -- forever. Even another, much younger than I, that I would have been comfortable calling is gone now too, due to other medical causes. I miss having those to whom I might have readily reached out and hadn't thought if there were any others until I read your blog tonight.

Yes, there are still a few to whom I could make such a call if need be, but I would not do so lightly, nor have I ever made such a call. One never knows what the future might hold. There are a few even now who know they could call me any time of the day or night if need be -- none of them, nor have I ever abused this privilege.

I strongly endorse what this Dr. says. There's a certain amount of comfort in knowing others who care are only a phone call away. Adult children and a select remaining relative are a given for such calls if need be.