Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Why Daddy Drinks - and Other Stories

Go here


to see the covers of the LEAST popular children's books of all time. They were posted by Jeff Kay at the West Virginia Surf Report.


Seamus said...

Damn - I don't know whether to laugh or cry! ;)

kenju said...

I think these require both responses, Seamus.

No_Newz said...

I came up with some books too. But it's too bad I can't draw for beans. Can you imagine the cover of these? :)

1. Moby Dick and the Adventures of Papa Boner

2. James and the Giant Beeotch

3. Black Beauty Digs Jungle Fever

4. My Little Pony Rides Black Beauty

5. Pocket Pool and Other Fun Activities for a Wet Day

6. Clifford the Big Red Dog and His Big Red Dong

7. Green Eggs and the Pig That Fertilized Them

8. Charlotte's Web of Lies About Where Pork Really Comes from

9. The Little Engine That Couldn't Because His Drunk Step Dad Said He'd Never Make Anything of Himself

10. Girls Are From Venus and Boys Cum With a Penis

11. Families Are Forever Unless Daddy Runs Off With His Secretary... Again

12. Brown Bear, Brown Bear, Do You Really Shit in the Woods?

13. The Very Hungry Caterpillar Ate Mommy's Garden and She Killed Him

14. Piglet Looks in the Toilet for Pooh

15. Debbie Does Daycare

16. Split Pea Soup for Your Little Exorcist's Soul

17. Curious George Swings Both Ways

And of course, the "Sometimes" series:

18. Sometimes Your Sister is a Whore but She Did Help Daddy Get His Promotion

19. Sometimes Teachers Know You're Dumb

20. Sometimes Santa Doesn't Bring Little Bastards Presents

21. Sometimes Santa Ass Slams Rudolph, Which is How He Got So Famous

22. Sometimes You Really Should Run With Scissors

23. Sometimes Strangers Don't Just Have the Best Candy, They Also Have Really Cool Dungeons in Their Basements

24. Sometimes Daddies Drink, Pop Pills, Eat Pussy and Move on Down the Road

25. Sometimes Hookers Give Daddies the Clap and its Nothing to Applaud

26. Sometimes Mommies Use Meth Because Diets Just Don't Work

27. Sometimes Mommies Cook Meth Instead of Food Because Sending You to Kiddie Fat Camp is Embarrassing

28. Sometimes Grandma Likes to Rob the Cradle and She Has Her Eye on Your Friends

29. Sometimes Father Flannigan Makes Sister Mary Margret Get on Her Knees Too

30. Sometimes Daddy Blows Your College Fund on His Online Gambling Debt

brendalove@gmail.com said...

all I can do is laugh and laugh and laugh....

Wordnerd said...

I love these! But then I'm psycho!

utenzi said...

Oh, come one! Little elephants like Babar don't have ivory yet. I think the first was my favorite. I suspect bears would moan very well.

srp said...

Thank goodness these are not real although in this day, sometimes I wonder at the stuff we do put in front of our kids.

pissed off patricia said...

I found you on justrose and came over because your black cat avatar looks exactly like a cat I once had.

Now, the non PC side of my brain laughed at the titles. The reality side of my brain didn't know exactly what to do since my father was a world class, brutal alcoholic. So, I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

Overall, I find them creative and funny. :)

colleen said...

I think Dr. Seus explaining sex could actually be good!

rennratt said...

"Crabs don't just live in the Ocean"

"Everything I needed to know, I learned in AA"

"Nobody likes you - because you SUCK"

Greg Finnegan said...

Fantastic! Thank you, thank you!