Thursday, June 29, 2006

Men's Thesaurus


"I'M GOING FISHING" Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."


"IT'S A GUY THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."


"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Means: "Why isn't dinner already on the table?" This I KNOW to be true.


"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..." Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.


"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" Means: "I have no idea how it works." and I'm not about to read the directions!"


"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND." Means: "I was wondering if that redhead (or blonde or brunette) over there is wearing a bra."


"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU ARE WORKING TOO HARD." Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."


"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Means: "Are you still talking?"


"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Means: "I remember the theme song to'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, every basket, hit or tackle I ever made, but I forgot your birthday."


"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES." Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."


"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL." Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."


"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING." Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty good reasons soon."


"I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." This is especially true in the grocery store!


"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?" Means: "What did you catch me at?"


"I HEARD YOU." Means: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."


"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE" Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."


"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC." Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."


"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE." Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."

17 comments:

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Believe it or not, my wife used to take me clothes shopping with her because, she said, I had better taste than she did!

Hoo boy, I never starved....

Shephard said...

I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

That is my favorite. Laughed out loud!

~S

ET said...

"Guilty!", I confess.

Sonia said...

All them is funny! But I love so much this : "I CAN'T FIND IT." Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
This was specially wrote to my husband! LOL!

Wordnerd said...

So true. So incredibly, sadly true!

bornfool said...

Yep. A lot of truth there. lol.

Beverly said...

Those are so great! I'd love to hear them again.

kontan said...

Love it!!! I did a men/women comparison yesterday and this would make a great addition, LOL

Carmi said...

You are a master of gender-specific language, Judy. I haven't laughed so hard in days.

Thanks for the happy...I needed it.

Michele. M&G. It's good to be reading you again. I'm heads down with writing, so I haven't had a whole lot of time to read recently.

sage said...

Come on Judy, we ain't that bad. Can I help with dinner generally means I want to have something eatable.

srp said...

Here from Michele this time.
The one about the roses. Sometimes they bring roses or send roses when they are grandstanding and have done something really really stupid. I got flowers, a dozen red roses from my ex the day before the divorce hearing. First time ever he sent me roses in 13 years. Go figure. Wonder how many times the girlfriend got them?

Jamie Dawn said...

They say that good comedy is based on truth.
That is why this list is SO funny!!

Shirazi said...

LOL! But it seems baised to much. No?

cassie-b said...

What a great list. I've heard a few of them, but always said with a kind voice.

Cas

Raggedy said...

That was a funny list....lol

utenzi said...

Michele sent me again, Judy. Lucky you! LOL

I think you got the men's and women's defiitions for thing mixed up, Judy. As in: it's a guy's thing. It should be:

"IT'S A GIRL THING" Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

Or at least that's how it always seems to me....

PI said...

Never were truer words spoken.
Here Here!