Saturday, February 11, 2006

Grandma Stories


After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.


A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."


I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor's wife,"



Our five-year-old son couldn't wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, "What caused the submarine to sink?" With a look of incredulity Mark replied, "Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!"


When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."


When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure.""Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."


A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said,"How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change "y" to "i" and add 'es'"


Subject: Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant,"said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant. "The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child".


A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old grandson one morning. He had made her coffee. She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. When she got to the bottom, there were three of those little green army men in the cup. She said, "Honey, what are these army men doing in my coffee?" Her grandson said, "Grandma, it says on TV, "The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup!"


A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster."No, said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close...."They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."


No, I didn't write them!

But I do have to add one of my own: When my granddaughter saw her aunt's small apartment for the first time, she exclaimed......."Aunt ______, your house needs to grow!"

26 comments:

Sandy said...

Kids crack me up! I had fun reading these shared tidbits.

Here via Michele.

kontan said...

HA! the house needs to grow!


here from micheles

Lisa said...

rofl... those are all great. Espeically your granddaughter's!

margalit said...

The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup. I will NEVER forget that line. Hilarious.

I gotta read these to my daughter. She never 'gets' the jokes but it's funny to watch her try and understand them. She's still puzzling over one from a month ago.

Here via Michele.

WordWhiz said...

Very cute. Especially the last one.

I saw photos of Barbados years and years ago and remember thinking it looked like the most beautiful island. I've wanted to visit there ever since. I'll probably be disappointed after all this time. The whole notion was based on one set of photos! I'd love to hear about your experience there.

Plain Jane said...

I can't wait to share these... thanks for sharing with US! :)

Here from Michele's.

Carmi said...

Out of the mouths of babes. My kids will love these...they'll be read at the breakfast table.

Thank you!

Jamie Dawn said...

Your house needs to grow. That's cute.
Kids tell it like they see it. Adults do seem OLD to kids.
I can remember thinking that I would never reach the age of 30. It seemed like forever. Now, I'd love to be thirty again.

jac said...

these are adorable and gave me a good laugh!
michele sent me!

joared said...

These tickled my funny bone releasing all those good healing endorphins our body releases when we laugh ... Thanx!

panthergirl said...

Oh, I'm disappointed!!! Here I thought you were as old as God. :(

;)

Here by way of michele today... and to say THANKYOU for supporting my comment-a-thon this week!

Viamarie said...

I needed the laugh. Thanks.

Btw, Michele sent me.

Peter said...

Kids never fail Judy, they are always funny.

sage said...

Nice "feel good" stories, Judy!

ribbiticus said...

those were just previous! :)

Bernadette said...

Out of the mouths of babes! Love the Mary Cassatt painting, too, Judy!

srp said...

These are too funny.
My brother came up with several when he was little, so did Nyssa. Loved the one by your granddaughter.
Have a good weekend, try to get a little rest in between all those roses.

Greg Finnegan said...

Great post! I especially liked the Dalmatian one!

Carolyn said...

These were very funny! Thanks :D

PI said...

I loved the underwear one and the 20,000 leaks but try a I might I don't get the 'soldiers in my cup.' Maybe it's a language thing.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

I don't know if these are true or not, but they well could be. You know, the old "out of the mouths of babes" trick.

Raehan said...

Those are good!

Lazy Daisy said...

Great stories for a snowy night. I also loved your family pictures and pictues of all the flower arrangements. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers during Valentine's Day. I know you will be in demand just from looking at your arrangements. Oh, Michele sent me and she knows you'll be busy too!

MommaK said...

My mother would appreciate these as she has my 6 year old for the weekend. Happy Saturday :)

vicki said...

original with you or not- they're good grandma stories.
BTW, sometimes when I am coming by here I type "kenju" in the address bar by mistake. I always get the same page in Japanese. I wonder what it's about?

Merle said...

Judy ~ These are really good Grandma jokes which I enjoyed immensely. Thanks so much for posting them. They sure brightened the day for a lot of us.Have a great weekend and a happy Valentine's Day. Cheers.