Monday, January 30, 2006

Immutable Laws

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.


Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Or under a cabinet you cannot move.


Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Instant karma!


Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. Works well at the grocery!


Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Note to self: always take cordless phone into the bathroom.


Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Or you are wearing old clothes and your hair is a mess!


Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Especially your computer.


Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. It never fails at the health club!


Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly.


Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, or change it for the worse. Very true of lipstick and nail polish colors!

(I didn't write this)

19 comments:

Peter said...

Loved them Judy.
Murphy's law, if it can break down it will, at the worst possible time.
O'Flarretty's law, Murphy was an optomist.
Coles law, chopped cabbage and grated carrot.

Shannon said...

Hello...Here from Micheles today!
In my opinion, laws were made to be broken :)

bornfool said...

Similar to the flat tire "law" above, I've always found that when you call in sick when you're not really sick, inevitably you really will get sick in the next few days.

Erin said...

Hi Kenju,
I just saw on Michele's that you're reading I Am Charlotte Simmons. Just wanted to throw in my two cents and say it was one of the worst books I've ever read! I was so excited for Tom Wolfe's new book and I bought it right away, and it was a huge disappointment. I'd be curious to hear what you think of it!

colleen said...

If I tell someone I hardly ever get sick...I get a cold the next day. And doesn't the peanut butter and jelly sandwhich always fall jelly side down?!

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Witness! I'm a witness for all of this.

Inanna said...

Whoever wrote this hit the nail on the head, over and over and over.

WendyWings said...

With the cold coffee here it is not the boss but one of the kids usually having some sort of need. I am used to cold coffee now.

Michele sent me.

( come and audition for me on my blog today !!)

srp said...

SRP's Law: If you have a truck with no back seat, and if your 9mth old is in a car seat in said truck, and if you are in traffic and on reflex turn your head when she screams, you will likely run into the person in front of you.

Corollary to above: If you run into the stopped car in front of you, it will likely be an unmarked police car, with the chief of police inside.

Yes, it's true. I ran into the back of the Oklahoma City Chief of Police.

salsa said...

So true!...sadly...LOL
Here via Michele's!

Now...I have been wanting a puppy...why did ya have to go and post such cute doggie pics??? :)

mar said...

What a clever set of laws and theorems, whoever wrote it. We read it on your blog!

jude said...

A lot of truth in those laws...

Ralph's Homespun Headlines said...

Those are really good. It should be noted that Wilson's Law also applies to resturants, coffee shops, etc.
Ralph

bschneider5 said...

I like the doggie picture!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

These rules are true. And people wonder why I'm such a cynic.

Shane said...

Kenju:

Re: your question about the picassohead. I use the printscreen feature. if you then open up any image in your photoshop program (whichever one you use), hit the past button and the screen capture will be displayed. You can then crop accordingly to keep your picasso image.

cheers,

Shane

Jamie Dawn said...

I think that law of lockers is really true. It has happened when I've been to spas. All those lockers, and it's me and some stanger standing there with towels on opening lockers right next to each other.

Lisa said...

those are great!! Unforunately the last one for me is SOOO true.

edina monsoon said...

I love brown's law. If the shoe fits, it must be ugly. How true! How true. I have small feet, size 4. The slag part is, so does everyone else over here in Malaysia. And so, getting nice shoes during any sale is tricky business. You're usually left with the one in the COLOUR you didn't fancy originally ( and hence forced to make a quick decision ) or left with the choice of picking another totally different pair of shoe. Aaargh.