~~More Random Observations~~

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, Lillian, you should have remained a virgin. Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy and Billy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. Mark Twain

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Ed Furgol

What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman

I am opposed to millionaires...but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. Mark Twain

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' Joe Namath

Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. Herbert Henry Asquith

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. Bob Hope

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation...as you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. Unknown

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal