Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, Lillian, you should have remained a virgin. Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy and Billy Carter)
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: No good in a bed, but fine against a wall. Eleanor Roosevelt
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. Mark Twain
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce. Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. Jimmy Durante
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. Alex Levine
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. Mark Twain
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. Ed Furgol
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman
I am opposed to millionaires...but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. Mark Twain
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was 'shut up.' Joe Namath
Youth would be an ideal state if it came a little later in life. Herbert Henry Asquith
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. Bob Hope
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation...as you grow older, it will avoid you. Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. Phyllis Diller
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. Unknown
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal
5 comments:
hahahahahahaha! i like these - michele sent me
Great quote! *Waves* Michelle sent me! I'm 901!! Woohoo!
"The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. Unknown"
Now, that, is funny!
visting from michele's
Thanks, I love to collect quotes and there are some good ones here that I hadn't seen before.
Thank you for giving me something to bring to my cardiologist next month. That one was precious! (and pretty much true too)
These make for a well received post ... good job!
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