Thursday, August 07, 2014

The Choice of a Gift.....

is difficult for me. Previous experience in gift-giving have made me leery of being able to choose well.

When I was in high school, I gave my mom a silver creamer and sugar set from a local jewelry store. It cost about $25 (on sale), which was a lot of money in 1958, and I was very proud of the idea and choice I had made. She didn't agree, saying that I had only bought it because "I wanted it" and I knew it would go to me after her death (since I am an only child.)  I had never even though of that, and nothing I could do or say would convince her. She also brought up the fact that she already owned 3 different sugar and creamer sets. My answer was that she may have some, but they aren't silver. After she died, I gave away that set.....I could never have kept it.

Another time, while working in the summer at a local department store, I bought her an Etienne Aigner purse. That brand had just arrived in our store and they were flying off the shelves. Even with my discount, it was a hefty price to pay for the burlap and leather satchel, with wonderful latching hardware. I did love it (and covet it) and that made me think it was the perfect gift - since we are told to choose as a gift something we'd love to have. She liked the way it looked, but she thought it was too heavy to carry once she got all her stuff in it. So, once again, she accused me of only buying it so I could have it. I was deflated, but I did end up carrying that purse and loving it. I kept it for more than 15 years, so maybe she was right.

Now that many years have passed since those things happened, one would think that the act of choosing a gift for someone would have gotten simpler for me - but it hasn't. They are always fraught with anguish on my part; certain that my gift will be rejected and spend the rest of its days in the back of a closet somewhere.

Do you find it easy to choose gifts?

If you have difficulty, is it for just one person?

Or is your trouble with it universal? 


poopie said...

big hugs girl...i've never known that detail about your life ^j^

Shiny Rod said...

We were always taught that gifts were to be cherished as it is from someones heart. it is unfortunate that some parents where never raised this way or never had the sense of mind to appreciate even the smallest gift. Life in itself is a gift everyday we wake and are able to partake in it.

Star said...

I bet you are an awesome gift giver !

Unknown said...

I agree, I bet you are a best giver of gifts.. Because I have read your blog long enough to know your have a kind, gifting spirit.

My older sister simply does not know how to except gifts. In her whole life, I don't think she ever receive a gift she didn't find something to complain about. Perhaps your mother was also one that not know how to say a simple thank-you.

I know how... Thank-you for being you!
PS: I am LindaCrim42 on FB.

G. B. Miller said...

While my family has always appreciated the gifts that I'd given to them over the years, I've found it much easier (and safer) to give them gift cards.

Father Nature's Corner

Arkansas Patti said...

Your mom sounds a bit like my step mom. My sisters and I could never please her and we learned to keep the receipts handy. Then one year I just asked her what she wanted and got her that. She never complained again though I could never get my sisters to try that and their gifts always were returned.

Ginnie said...

I HATE having to pick a gift for someone. I always seem to get something that I would want and then realize they didn't have the same interests as me. I'm sad to say that I now rely on gift certificates's safer.

Granny Annie said...

It is no wonder that you have gift giving trauma. I got in trouble once for buying my parents anniversary gifts....and charging them to their account at the drug store.

Ms. Moon said...

It is agony for me to select and give gifts. AGONY.
And yes, my mother was somewhat of a narcissist too.

Pat said...

What is it about mother's?
I took ages choosing a diamante retro brooch which could be worn as a brooch or two clips as Mum loved to dress up and I knew she had dresses it would look pretty on. She gave it me back saying 'I'd never wear it.'
Black mark Mum!

Jay said...

I think those stories say more about your mother being an ungracious giftee than any lack on your part.

I LOVE shopping for gifts, I have so much fun thinking of my loved one and finding the perfect thing and wrapping it up lovingly. I spend the whole year writing down little hings and clues dropped so when a birthday or anniversary or a thinking-of-you occasion arrives, I've got lots to work with. But finding the unexpected - something they didn't even know they wanted but end up loving - is my absolute favourite.