The Curious Incident of the Catalog Order; or Why I Didn't Get the Bathing Suit I Wanted!

All I wanted was a new bathing suit; bought with a minimum of trouble and time. A catalog came in the mail, and while I don't usually succumb to their charms, I decided that the 30% coupon on the front page made it very worthwhile to choose something. So, I picked out the 2 pieces I thought would look the best on my increasingly "dough boy" type body, filled out the order, enclosed the check and mailed it on June 4th or 5th.

After almost 6 weeks with no UPS delivery, I checked my online bank site and sure enough, the check had cleared. So armed with that information, I called the catalog customer service. You know what that entails, don't you? Number upon number to press, after listening to what seems like a recitation of the whole phone book (with the ever-present admonishment to "listen closely, as our options have changed"). Finally, I was connected to a live person (at least I think he was live; I could barely understand him, as he sounded like a robot. Perhaps this company outsources their customer service to a foreign country?

I explained my problem and gave him the requested info, only to have him report that "We have no record of your order". I replied "How can you have no record of it if you have cashed the check?" He had no answer for that, but he decided I had ordered the bathing suit from another catalog company, not the one he represented. I was speechless, but quickly regained my voice. "How can you say I ordered it from another catalog if the following things are true:

1. The front cover of the catalog says Lane Bryant.

2. The back cover of the catalog says Lane Bryant.

3. Every other darn page in the catalog mentions Lane Bryant.

4. My check was written to Lane Bryant.

5. It says "Brylane" on the reverse of the check.

At that point, HE was speechless, and decided he had to transfer me to his superior immediately. I had to repeat the entire problem, of course. At least the superior spoke with a somewhat more recognizable accent. She concluded that I had to look on-line at the reverse of my check again, and read her the routing numbers. The trouble was, there were four separate ink stamps on it, some of which were overlapping, and impossible to decipher. She was satisfied, however, when I finished reading what I could see, and asked me for the catalog numbers of the items I wanted, so she could re-issue the order.

This is when I discovered that I had forgotten to make a copy of the original order. Of course without that, I had no way to remember what I had ordered, how much the pieces cost, what percentage off the coupon had been for or what the shipping cost should be. I felt like a dunce (doesn't happen often). I don't suffer fools easily - especially when the fool is me! We settled on a refund, to be sent in 7 days. A further problem is that since it is well after July 4th, and all the bathing suits have gone on sale, I will have a very hard time finding a suit that fits and has all the other qualifications I require. So if you see a black, 2-piece swim suit with a small skirt, only a little decolletage, skinny straps, and a price tag under $60, will you buy it for me? I promise to pay you back!

The Welcome Stranger

A few months before I was born, my Dad met a stranger who was new to our small town. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family. The stranger was quickly accepted and was around to welcome me into the world a few months later. As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mom taught me the word of God, and Dad taught me to obey it. But the stranger? He was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future! He took my family to the first major league ball game. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mom would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to her room an read her books. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.) Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home... not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our long-time visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My Dad was a teetotaler who didn't permit alcohol in the home, not even for cooking. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely!) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing. I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked... and NEVER asked to leave. More than fifty years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. Still, if you were to walk into my parent's den today you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures. His name?.................... We just call him TV.

Author unknown. I received this in email from an old friend.

Do You Know These People?

Do you know these people? Because I don't, but I'd like to! I found these photos in my mom's desk and true to form, they were neither dated nor named. Some of the clothing and the cars appear to be from the 1920's.

I do know the woman in the center, with the guy in the white shirt. She was my mom's sister, and the guy was obviously one of her boyfriends. He looks too old for her, but he may have been prematurely bald....LOL... Check out the old guy in the lower right corner. That's a fox skin hanging on the shed to his right. Perhaps that old hound was responsible for flushing out the fox. The dude on the lower left looks a lot like my dad, but it isn't. He fancies himself quite the gay blade (as they said back then), holding his Homberg hat, foot propped on the running board of what was undoubtedly a fine car back then.

Too bad these photos weren't dated and named. For the sake of your decendants, don't make that mistake. Always date and name the people in the photos. Too bad that I haven't followed my own advice; but I have that on my list of things to do when I retire.....

Maximum Entertainment - at the IMAX Near You

****See addendum
If you live near an IMAX Theater, go quickly to see Coral Reef Adventure. We went Sunday afternoon; found a packed house and enjoyed every minute of the movie. The scenery is to die for; aerial scenes of Tahiti and Figi and the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, as well as numerous underwater scenes of lusciously-colored tropical fish, sharks, octopi, Moray eels, etc. Some of the dives were as deep as 350 feet; few people will ever dive that deeply and live to tell about it, let alone show video of it.

We learn that our coral reefs all over the planet are suffering, mainly from three things: 1. global warming, 2. over-fishing and 3. siltation from logging activities above rivers which feed the ocean near reefs. We can heal the reefs by curbing the activities which lead to coral damage. We have no idea what may ultimately happen to the natural balance of the ocean if we allow the reefs to continue to die through our selfish use of natural resources. Cause and effect principles are at work here, and we must all do what we can to stop the process. Start by educating yourselves; see the film. Please.

****I make it a point to see as many IMAX films as I can. Everywhere we go that has an IMAX, I'm there. My husband teases me for seeing the IMAX at the Grand Canyon, but he doesn't understand that you see it in ways that never would be possible if you are standing at the rim, looking down. As one of the comments mentions; you can see a beaver dam being built from the inside. How cool is that?! In the Grand Canyon IMAX, you soar through the canyon on a hang glider or ultralight and you thunder down the river on crashing waves (without ever having to get wet or be bounced around). In the space film, you can almost experience the G-forces as the shuttle takes off and you can float around the night sky when the astronauts do their space-walks. I haven't yet seen a commercial film in 3-D at the IMAX, but I plan to soon. Whatever the fare for an IMAX film, it is definitely worth it!

I Believe

Top: The Luna Moth. At the time I took this photo, I had no idea how fragile or short-lived these creatures are. I feel incredibly blessed to have seen one "in the flesh".

Bottom: A Monarch on last year's lantana.


Read this slowly - it's a keeper for sure. There are so many truths here. I did NOT write this; it was sent in email from a friend.

I believe- That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe- That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe- That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe- That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe- That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be..

I believe- That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe- That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe- That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe- That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe- That regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe- That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe- That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe- That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe- That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe- That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe- That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I believe- That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe- That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I believe- That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe- That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I believe- That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe- That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe- That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I believe- That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe- That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe- That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe- That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in. I just did.

The Armchair Travelogue - San Francisco

Coit Tower: the view from up there is amazing.



Under the Golden Gate; surfers brave huge rocks and sharks to surf these surprisingly large waves.




Downtown San Francisco with the Transamerica Building just right of center. Photo shot from the hill near Coit Tower.








The"painted ladies"; shown in nearly every TV show ever shot in San Francisco. The color is not so hot in this photo; they are a little brighter than they appear here.







Fisherman's Wharf. The seals lie on the piers to sunbathe, and amuse each other and the crowds by knocking each other off the piers and trying to find space to climb back on.

Stolen from Nearest Distant Shore.........

I stole this from Terrilynn at http://seaandsky.typepad.com/nearest_distant_shore/

A is for Age: Nearing Medicare
B is for Booze: In summer mostly beer, but I love margaritas and Bloody Marys and red wine.
C is for Career: floristry
D is for Dad's name: Daddy
E is for Essential Item to bring to a Party: A bottle of wine and a good attitude!
F is for Favorite Songs at the Moment: Always jazz of some sort!
G is for Goof-off thing to do: If I lived close to the beach, I'd do that - but since I don't - my goof-off thing is blogging!
H is for Hometown: Charleston, WV
I is for Instrument you play: piano and organ
J is for Jam or Jelly you like: there is NO flavor I don't like, but my favorite is raspberry.
K is for Kids: three
L is for Living arrangement: a house way too big for the two of us, now that the kids are grown.
M is for Mom's name: Mom
N is for Names of best friends: Pam, Nancy, Peggy, Marilyn, Cam, Patty
O is for overnight hospital stays: when the children were born, when I had pneumonia, when I had a cyst removed and when I had my deviated septum repaired.
P is for Phobias: none, maybe spiders? Does that qualify as a phobia?
Q is for Quote you like: See the one at the top of the blog.
R is for Relationship that lasted longest: The one I am in now = 41 years on July 2nd.
S is for Siblings: none, I am sad to say.
T is for Texas, ever been?: Yes, to Dallas and Houston for conventions.
U is for Unique trait: I am not aware of any.
V is for Vegetables you love: corn on the cob and asparagus
W is for Worst traits: Lots, but I admit to a complete lack of tolerance for stupidity (as did Terrilynn)
X is for Xrays you've had: nearly everything at one time or another.
Y is for Yummy food you make: fried chicken and mashed potatoes, eggplant parmesan.
Z is for Zodiac sign: Triple Scorpio (sun, moon, ascendant)