Friday, December 15, 2006


AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Gentlemen can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about leaving the toilet seat up by simply using the sink.

5. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for three minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

6. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

When all else fails, toss down a good shot of whiskey and take a nap.

Final Words of Advice:

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.


If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

P.S. The kitten has nothing to do with the post; he is just so cute I had to show you!

18 comments:

Just a trumpet player said...

I grew up in a house that had the same kind of rules... Not funny for a 5 years old being told that " bloodied knees are nothing ; but did your damaged the asphalt ? because then we'd have a real problem"...

Michele sent me ; have a great weekend !

Beverly said...

Oh, the kitty is cute! And the home remedies are priceless.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Very Funny, Judy! I really like these very practical suggestions...!

Anonymous said...

I thoroughly enjoy your blog...I either laugh or go ahhh at the pictures of your creations. Thank you

netchick said...

Hi Judy!! Freekin' halarious! I need to steal this :)

Thanks for the laugh, Michele sent me today!

Catherine said...

Thanks for the chuckle on a busy day - and the cute kitty. Michele sent me

surcie said...

Best advice I've heard all week!

Joe said...

Oh man, that's great! Loved it! Thanks for the laugh!

And thanks for stopping by my blog earlier

Karen said...

Judy, I loved this!! It's hilarious and so unexpected. Thanks for sharing. And I love the kitten too.

Hope you're having a great weekend. Michele sent me your way!

Anil P said...

Ha, ha, I loved these. I could use the mouse trap if ever I have an early morning interview to attend :)

Alan G said...

LOL.....really enjoyed these. It is always amazing how funny the truth can be sometimes isn't it?

sage said...

the cure is often worse than the disease... funny

Anonymous said...

Just caught up with your last 4 posts Judy, all were excellent thanks for sharing.

utenzi said...

Michele sent me over this morning, Judy. I hope you're off to a good day.

I'd not seen the first 3 rules before and I love them. The first one actually made me laugh. My girlfriend really needs to implement that. She could sleep through an earthquake. Oh, and yes, that is a very cute kitten.

srp said...

The kitten is cute. And I certainly need that mousetrap for the alarm clock!

Seamus said...

Duct tape and WD40 - don't stay home without 'em! ;)

naomi dagen bloom said...

why did i think you were always serious? #4 is marvelous.

rashbre said...

I did actually shot my finger in a door a few days ago and similar to hitting it with a hammer, it did make me foreget about everything else! Ouch.

Here via Michele's! Hiya!

rashbre