Friday, September 22, 2006

Sayings

I got this list in email, and some of them are really lame, while others are funny. I thought about removing the bad ones, but I am too lazy to re-number the list - so you get them all.

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France and resulted in linoleum blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22 Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

Note: No trees were killed in the sending of this message, but a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

12 comments:

Jay said...

Should I be ashamed that I laughed at a bunch of those?

guppyman said...

Groan...

OK... 14 was kinda funny...

bluesphee said...

Hi from Michele's. 24 made me laugh even though I still can't handle it.

barbie2be said...

hehehehe... michele sent me!

Shephard said...

hee hee. .. very clever
~S

inanna said...

I thought these were really cute...

PaxRomano said...

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

If I am not mistaken, my hero, Groucho Marx said that!

"Hail Fredonia!"

Blond Girl said...

OK, 23 is ok. The rest, I must say, were groaners! Funny, I love puns, but these did seem to try very hard to get to their destinations, didn't they?

My friend, Geekwif, HATES puns. I'd send her here to read them, but then she'd have me hauled in on human indecency grounds! Tee hee.

Actually, that, to me, is the sign of a good pun. the more Geekwif hates it, the better the pun is, I think.

utenzi said...

I liked most of them, Judy, though unlike Blond Girl I didn't like #23. It wasn't accurate! LOL It took me a second to get #20 for some reason but the rest were fine for my tired brain. It is after midnight, y'know!

Michele sent me over, Judy. Nice to visit!

Tracie said...

HaHaHa.....my husband loves these things. In fact I will keep him from seeing this list if at all possible, becuase if I don't I will have to hear him repeat it to each and every person we talk to for at least three weeks.

Anonymous said...

You said it - some are funny and some are lame. A fun read, just the same.

claude said...

Had fun reading those. I think my favourite is number 5