Sunday, September 24, 2006

Oldies, but Goodies

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one, so, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people who avoided me just didn't like me.

I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease: That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

I've come to realize that the secret to a happy life is not looking like Barbie or Ken and suffering through tofu and rice cakes to stay that way! It's eating chocolate, staying chunky and explain that you're really a perfect size 6, but you keep it covered with fat so it doesn't get scratched!


I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"


Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!


Just once, when someone says "How are you" (without really wanting to know), I'd like to say " my hair is falling out, I cannot see where the heck I'm going most of the time, my back hurts and I pass gas every time I sneeze (and feel like sneezing right now)! I'll bet that'd cure 'em from asking again!

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6 comments:

Anonymous said...

You're right Judy, they were old but they were also good.

No_Newz said...

I can not wait until someone asks me how I am today!!!! LOL!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I love these, but I am still glorifying in your post below about the petitions. Thank you for spreading the word.

Sissy B. said...

Being that my husband is a postal employee...I really like the idea about their pictures being on the stamps :)...oh, and pumping rust caught my attention also :)

srp said...

About the criminal pictures in the Post Office.... I think these are pictures taken when they were in custody... those official pictures... you know... like the ones they take for our driver's licenses.
It's no wonder they can never catch criminals.... their poster pictures are as bad as their drivers license.... probably taken by the same people.... therefore, no one, not even a postman would recognize them.

About being a nightowl... that's what med school and 25 years of practice will do to you... wake up without an alarm at 6AM, stay up doing work on "something" until 3AM.

Beverly said...

I think I'll wear my garage door opener today. I love that one.

I don't think I've ever noticed a croton bloom. They are so commonplace in Florida I don't give them a second look.

Are you in Asheville? I'll wave as I pass by on Thursday.