Sunday, September 17, 2006

And Speaking of Adoption


The adoption story link that I posted Sunday reminded me of another story similar. A very good friend has a nephew and niece who were both adopted while their adoptive parents lived on one of the Pacific Islands in the 70's. They all now live on the eastern side of the US. About 10 years ago, the adoptive parents were contacted in a letter from an attorney representing the birth family. The birth mother was asking for permission to contact the young man to whom she had given birth many years before. She had contracted a disease which might not allow her to live much longer and she wanted him to know his heritage before she died.

It was a situation that I think most adopted children create in their imaginations at some point during their childhoods: that their birth parents are fabulously wealthy and famous and will come for the child and make amends for giving him/her away. In fact, this birth mother was descended from royalty on this island - the family was wealthy - they were hoping to share all with their newly-found son. Although the birth father was no longer in her life, she was eager to tell the details of his life, so that the son could know his heritage and family medical history.

Since then, the whole adoptive family has been to those islands several times to visit, and they were treated like kings and queens themselves. The last I heard, the birth mother was still alive and she had created a warm link to her child, and he to her. There is a downside, though. His sister had learned of her birth mother several years before all this happened. She was met with indifference and was not able to learn about her birth family. I know she is happy for her brother, but it is so sad that they both could not share in the joy of forging a link to the past.


19 comments:

Catherine said...

Wealthy by Pacific Island standards isn't the same as wealthy by US standards, and Pacific Island royal families are very large - still, it is a heart warming story.
I loved the Oz table displays in the earlier post.
Michele sent me.

Moogie said...

Wow, I love this story. I really enjoy stories like these. Thanks for sharing.

Here via Michele but I will definitely be back!

poopie said...

It's too bad folks can't just get over the past and embrace the present. The "indifferent" one is the real loser there.

Anonymous said...

Here via Michele.. going to browse around for a bit.
Nice to meet you.
chana
www.bunnyburrow.com

surcie said...

Hey, Kenju! Just stopping by to let you know that I absolutely loved The Color Purple on Broadway. I laughed, I cried. . .it was fantastic.

Grins said...

Being a mom it is difficult to imagine what would make a birth mother indifferent after all these years. I can understand feeling that way towards adults at the time, but the child? I don't get it. Here via Michele.

jsdaughter said...

What a great story~
Michele says hi..

utenzi said...

Michele sent me, Judy.

The flip side to that is that the adopted daughter was obviously very lucky not to have grown up in her birth mother's custody. That sounds like it was a good family to not be a part of.

And another flip side is why was the adopted son given away for adoption? That must be an interesting story! Full of royalty, romance, forbidden love and maybe even subterfuge and intrigue!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

This is another amazing story Judy...(Not the sisters, of course...but the son...Wow!)

The pain connected to being rejected by ones Birth mother or father or both...has to be inconsolable. I know their are marvelous and wonderful adoptive parents and that is great...but, well....You know what I am talking about Judy...I know. I've know many people who were adopted and the pain they carry is of course different from each other in many respects, but in other ways...very much the same. Life is hard no matter what....but this just makes it that much harder.

WordWhiz said...

As you know, I'm in the sister's shoes. It is a little sad to be unable to learn anything about your own roots. People theese days seem to be constantly researching their family trees and talking about distant relatives with historial significance. People like us have no history - we have no roots. It doesn't often bother me, but sometimes...

Catherine said...

I agree with wordwhiz, I have been researching my family history for the past five years and it is just so amazing to know how many people I am connected to. I can't imagine not knowing that. Thanks for your e-mail to my earlier comment. Michele sent me back again

PI said...

It must be so hard for the adopted child when it doesn't work out and I think it must be very hard for the adoptive parents also -to risk being supplanted in their child's affections.

Shephard said...

Great story for the son. Hard on the daughter.
Biological family is always interesting. Though I've always believed family is what you make it.
Thanks for sharing that interesting story. It sounds like a movie.

~S

Carolyn said...

Pi said it for me. I might also add that even living with your birth mother when she resents and rejects her children is not easy either. The rejection is always there.

Maria said...

Adoption is never easy. I often am filled with jealousy although I try hard not show it. Kristi was not adopted until after her birth parents were deceased but still it is difficult.

She will be faced with similar and yet very different problems when her babies (egg and sperm donor both) ask questions. This is a whole other ball game that many parents will be facing.

Carmi said...

Heartwarming and heartbreaking, all in one entry. I like to think that all stories deserve happy endings. But life doesn't always work that way.

Raggedy said...

Great story!
I spose they can't be all happy endings. I am sorry her story was not a happy one too.
Have a wonderful day!
*^_^
(=':'=) hugs
(")_ (")Š from da Cool Raggedy one

srp said...

It is important for all children, adopted or not, to know about their family medical history. I think adoption agencies are trying harder to provide that information these days.

I agree that rejection is difficult, but the young man certainly had the best of both worlds... loving adoptive parents and a birth mother with the right intentions.

Pearl's Eaten Up said...

Or non-adopted children's fantasies too, that one day they'll all have a fabulous bady bunch reunion.