Sunday, June 04, 2006

Old, but Worth Repeating

21st Century Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken car and no cell phone.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7.. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug and some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side,and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


ET said...

Some of them are hit too close to home. Lend me $20 and I'll tell you which ones.

panthergirl said...

I love #8!!! LOL

colleen said...

Or walk a mile in their massage sandals! (reference to my current post.)

Duke_of_Earle said...

Amen to number 18!


Grins said...

I had difficulty reading them all due to laughing at the first one so much. Here via Michele again.

kontan said...

HA! Love it! Summer school starts tomorrow and #19 is going on my board!

bonnie said...

Proverbs with a spin!

goldenlucyd said...

Laughter really is the best medicine. Thanks for a healthy dose! I've been down with a nasty bug and am grateful for the pleasure of getting back online. The Irish wedding was lovely. We have one coming next month. I wish you lived close enough to make it really special!
Have a great week,

Fran said...

This is so damned funny, Kenju. I'll probably refer to it in the next day or two--with credit, of course.

auntietob said...

HI there- finally getting to read your posts.. I love this. We all tend to take uorselves way too seriously most of the time-but the truth is that we all can relate to theses "pearls"- I know I can.And I would like to remind some other people of them as well. Meanwhile I'll just follow # 21...

Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

Judy, these are gems!! :D

Peter said...

Some old things are worthwhile Judy, I've gotta say that now.

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

These are very funny, Judy...Thanks for the good laughs!

Merle said...

Hi Judy ~~ I enjoyed these again. Some things can stand a few re-runs.
The wedding looked lovely ~ Well the
flowers anyway. Take care, Merle.

Wystful1 said...

How funny. I found your link/comment in Lazy Daisy's blog this morning and wanted to know I came by for a visit.

Wow, those wedding pictures are beautiful...the lighting and all!! Great photos.

And the Redneck post below? Priceless, what a hoot!!!

Enjoyed being here.

She Weevil said...

Thanks for visiting my blog; glad you like my husbands art. All of the artwork on my blog is his; everything else is just scavenged.

Jay said...

Hehe, that's pretty good.

poopie said...

Great wisdom Judy!

Carolyn said...

Loved seeing these again. I've lived #2 more times than I care to count, lol!