Saturday, May 06, 2006

Getting Older

A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, mid eighties). The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"


An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"


Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby." Really!? Like a new-born baby!?" Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.



An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly. The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns."Do you mean a rose?" Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?



Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman--already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet--who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

27 comments:

T. said...

Lordy, some of those were just plain groaners! LOL! Thanks for the giggle. Glad Michele sent me.

goldenlucyd said...

Oh lord, Kenju! The last two posts gave me a much needed laugh. Can you see the old man being wheeled to elevator? What's scary is that it's so believeable---folks really don't listen to the elderly even if the older person is lucid and not deaf. It's pretty ironic sometimes.
Thanks for a really good chuckle.
lucyd

ET said...

Those were great.... and even a tender reminder of events to come.

panthergirl said...

Is that last one true??

They're all very funny!

Here by way of michele today, Judy!

Terri said...

LOL....these were terrific. Being an RN, I can relate to the hospital one...lol

Carolyn said...

Thanks for the chuckles. I loved 'em all! ;D

Carolyn said...

Judy, I couldn't find an email anywhere for you, but wanted to say that if our home deal works out in Bluefield, maybe one day you can stop on your way or back from Charleston and we can meet. It's just a hop, skip, & a jump off I-77. I'd like that! :)

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I worry about my older years, thanks for taking some of the anxiety away and making me laugh.

Karen said...

Judy, I love these so much I'm going to e-mail them to my sister-in-law. Hilarious! Thanks for my morning chuckle! Hope you're having a great day...here via Michele's.

srp said...

I love these. Very funny. A good chuckle gets the day going the right way.
One question. Earlier this morning there was some kind of music on your site. At least I think there was. I don't hear it now so ...

PI said...

All to true to life but thank goodness we can still laugh at our frailties. Somehow seventies seem so much younger than eighties and neither are as ancient as they used to be.

Buffy said...

Really needed a laugh today.

Loved this.

Crayonsetc said...

Those are pretty good!! And scarily... some of those fit me!!!

Stopping by via Michele this wonderful day!!

Leslie Shelor said...

I've already been though some of those; and I'm only 46! Thanks for the laugh!

Here from Michele, hello!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Laughing through my tears, Judy! OH DEAR! That first one is hilarious! Well, they are all funny, but for some reason that one tickled me more than some of the others..A GOOD LAUGH!

Shane said...

heh heh - i think i wet MYSELF reading these.

Kismet said...

Sadly, I could relate to those in ways I wish I didn't!!

Had a fun visit. Come by sometime.


~K!

David said...

thanks for the laugh, kenju


michele da da dada

dena said...

I loved those jokes. So cute. Thanks for sharing them.

atpanda said...

Oh Kenju... so funny! Nice to see you! Been a while (if a while is like 3 weeks :-) )
Michele sent me.

Lisa said...

those are great. I needed the laugh today, so thanks for sharing. Michele sent me today!

scrappintwinmom said...

Cute jokes! Michele sent me!

Merle said...

Hi Judy ~~ These are good and too true for some of us. Just as well we can laugh at ourselves. Hope you are keeping
well. Take care, Merle.

Peter said...

"So tell me, do I come here often?"
What a line, I'm getting to the stage where I could use that, wonder if it works??

bornfool said...

Funny stuff, judy. lol.

dorothy rothschild said...

Hee!

Beverly said...

Loved your jokes...I know quite a few old men like that...like the poem in the previous post too.