Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Why God Made Moms




Answers given by elementary school age children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the
world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work & work at home, & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back.


THE MOMMY TEST:


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," .I was thinking quickly,"All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"


Church was pretty much over at that point...  LOL

18 comments:

Karen said...

Judy, those are HILARIOUS! I only wish my daughter would react that way when I tell her to not pick things off the ground. I get the eye roll instead of the amazement at how much I know. Oh well. The circle of life!

Michele sent me!

Laura said...

Too funny!!!
Judy, this reminds me of the email I got the other day, I hope you don't mind if I share?

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
______________________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog.

Romani Heart said...

That was beautiful.. thanks :)

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

These are delightful! Where do you find these wonderful things Judy?
Do you suppose real kids actually said all these things? I surely hope so...cause they are very very funny. (I hate to sound jaded...but the way things are today, one never knows who wrote what! (lol)....)

ET said...

Those are great! the candid mind of a little kid.

Jamie Dawn said...

Butt dust!!! I LOVE that!!!!!
All of them are cute, but that last one really takes the cake.

srp said...

I love the mommy test the best. LOL I have heard that last one before. Can you imagine hearing that in the silent pause of the preacher's remarks? Church over at that point... you better believe it!!

OldHorsetailSnake said...

"...a dab of mean." Ho ho har he har har. That's a dandy.

utenzi said...

Butt dust and Daddies are the ones that didn't pass the test. *sigh* They are cute jokes, Judy.

itsmeVicki said...

These are wonderful comments from the kids. I'm a Napa Valley Massage therapist. I have a new idea that I am looking to get feedback from other moms on. I am wanting to offer massage with childcare so mom's don't have to find a sitter just to treat themselves to a massage. Do you think this will fly?

Thanks for your feedback.
-vicki

Jennifer said...

Kids say the darndest things.

:-)

Very cute!

PI said...

I love the'butt dust' and 'one dab of mean'.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?


That's a rare man indeed, these days.

bonnie said...

Cute comments like these are why I had 11 of the little dearies! Thanks for sharing them, Judy! Now, where's that scotch tape?!

Hale McKay said...

Good post. Still chuckling over ... "Butt dust."

Merle said...

Judy ~~ These are terrific. I really enjoyed them. Thanks for giving us a chuckle.

Inanna said...

Butt dust... Bwhahahhahahaha!!!

Peter said...

Mothers don't have spare time!!!!!!!!!! says it all.