Sunday, February 26, 2006

Back-handed Poetry

THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT ... THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you. But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace But don't take that paper bag off of your face. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife: Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming. That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away. What have you stepped in to smell this way? (a personal favorite!)

My feelings for you no words can tell Except for maybe "Go To Hell". What inspired this amorous rhyme? Two parts vodka, one part lime.

11 comments:

deana said...

Those are funny. I like the screwed up my life one best....or the first one.

Michele says hello. Hope you enjoy your Sunday!

ET said...

Isn't it nice to know people are still producing poems with a special person in mind?

poopie said...

Sounds like what I'd get from a guy.....

Kimmy said...

Hilarious! Love them!

Hello, from Michele!

PI said...

I like the first one best because of it's succintness?
Do hope you won't be cross but you have been tagged.

ribbiticus said...

hahaha! classic! :)

srp said...

Only a couple of these were things a woman could say to a man. We need more samples of those types. I have someone to send these to.

I did send my ex a birthday card one year after the divorce. The front had a picture of the ugliest old man with no teeth that you could possibly imagine. It said: Of all the dirty old men I know......


Inside: You're the oldest.
He was not amused. But then I didn't want him to be amused.

Miss Cellania said...

Funny! I used these for Valentines Day (also known at my house as "Halloween") at my site. The whole Valenties theme was anti-love and pro-snark, since I'm LONELY LONELY LONELY. And I did finally get a couple of sweet nothings from readers!

Jamie Dawn said...

I chose you, my love, over all the rest; You're uglier than ugly but you cook the best.

Weary Hag said...

These are hilarious! Thanks so much for the chuckles this morning...

I'd climb a mountain if you were up top, so I could push you off from just the right spot!

and this one was actually written into my grade-school graduation autograph book:

You make my heart do flip flops, you make my spine grow chill ... you melt my soul like no one else ...
in short, YOU MAKE ME ILL!

Peter said...

Hi Judy, all caught up with you!

You bring out the poet in me,
I'm so happy that you've set me free.