Thursday, December 15, 2005

Points to Ponder

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005: We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration.

18 comments:

Karen said...

Judy, an important question: Do you know what happened to Michele's site?! I can't get there today! Is it me?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

Oh great points! Especially number 1!

Have a great day!

Green-Eyed Lady(GEL) said...

terrific post! I laughed so hard at #8/

Plumkrazzee said...

Hi Kenju, saw your comment at OOLOH's and wanted to let you know that Michele emailed me back last night and said she is aware of her site difficulties. Working on it...=)

Dave said...

Nice post, lot of truth there!

Juggling Mother said...

Oh, very good. Especially 8 and 2. LOL indeed!

Peter said...

Hard to pick a favourite, they are all so funny.

Karen said...

Funny post. Laughing is a good stress reducer!

Duke_of_Earle said...

Judy,

Re: Number 8: Actually, with most men I know it's not an either-or proposition. So the sandwich would help in almost every case. If not, you're on your own.

John

utenzi said...

I like #8 and #6, Judy. #2 seems to be related to aging. The people on acid made the world weird, then decided they didn't like it that way. Damn hippies! LOL

As for the illegal immigrants, Dept of Ag is the wrong way to go. If you saw the 60 Minutes show this past Sunday, a lot of the workers in the meat packing industry are illegal. And we all know much of the migrant farm working folk are illegal. Agriculture forms a good segment of the impetus that brings illegal aliens to this country. Which allows prices to stay low on those goods that we all buy. :-)

poopie said...

I love every one of 'em! Off to make a sandwich ;)

Jamie Dawn said...

The Slinky one REALLY cracked me up!

srp said...

These are some of the funniest things I've heard all week.

BTW - the girl is officially home!

Shelli said...

Very funny. I am going to show this to my husband when he gets home. Then I am going to see if he needs a sandwich or he needs to eat something else. ;)

Tan Lucy Pez said...

Number 8 seems to be true for sure. I also discovered years ago that if you yourself are not in the mood, you can head off an advance by baking an apple pie. Serve it with ice cream, he'll fall asleep on the couch stuffed.

Anonymouse said...

Hi Judy!
I'm visiting via JAIBHAKTI.

I want to tell you about a new blog I've started. Won't you please come visit and tell your friends?

Love,
AnonyMouse

:)

Discreet Disclosures

Sonia said...

Very funny! LOL.
Love all, but the #7 is my preferred!

Carmi said...

I'll be waking up in the middle of the night laughing because of this. Thanks for this, Judy!