Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Engineers Explained

Two engineering students were crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want." "The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."


To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!" The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens- keeper. Let's have a word with him." "Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"


What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks,"How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"


Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?""Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."


An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to his pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"

23 comments:

Peter said...

Excellent Judy, I'm sure all the engineers will agree.
I borrowed your US statistics, hope you don't mind,I did give you a credit.

Maria said...

Judy,
I am married to an engineer and I have copied this and sent it over to him. I know that sounds funny, but our computers are in adjoining rooms. As time goes by, I find myself sending things to him by e-mail rather than hollering, "Bob come here and read this".

dena said...

Good ones! I'll have to forward these to my brother, the engineer.

Angela said...

Hysterical--I'll have to share this with my ME boyfriend!

srp said...

I was married to a Physicist who looked down on engineers, and yet ended up becoming one. (it's on his business card) I guarantee he picked the mistress.

Erin said...

These are great! I'm forwarding the link to my husband!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

Wonderfully funny Judy. I feel bad because I don't know any engineers..I sure wish I did because THEY would love these!!!

Zephra said...

Funny...more so because my DH is an engineer.

Oh, almost forgot...
Hello, Michele sent me!

bornfool said...

"Would you like fries with that?"
lol.

Lucy said...

That's it! I come back and today's funnier than yesterday. No pressure - huh?? Where do you come up with this stuff? It's great - very entertaining.

Thanks for the visit yesterday - i too live in Wake County. What a small world - huh?

vicki said...

You married to a retired engineer, Judy? :-)
Good Morning from sunny Florida (aka, God's Waiting Room.)

Jennifer said...

Are these supposed to be funny? I'm surrounded by engineers at work and at home and can attest: they are all true. True, true, true.

:-)

Karen said...

Good ones. I forwarded to my husband, the electrical engineer!

srp said...

I don't know why they make these choices Judy. Is it because they are engineers or because they are men? I would send these to my ex-husband just to make him mad (because he considers himself above an engineer and just about blows a gasket if you call him one), but fortunately I don't have his e-mail address. (don't want it either). LOL

Romani Heart said...

I really REALLY want to print this out and hang it in our engineering department, but it would probably get me smacked lol.

Jamie Dawn said...

I don't think like an engineer at all. Those highly analytical minds work tooooo much.

mar said...

Just great. I allowed myself to forward it to the engineers I know. Thank you for a good laugh.

Aginoth said...

oooo those are old ...funny though :o)

brendalove@gmail.com said...

Ha ha! Where in the world do you find these things?

Kim said...

Hilarious! I'm emailing the one about the liberal arts grad to my daughter....she can relate!

Juggling Mother said...

Really funny. Some I'd heard before (but they still make me laugh), and some were new.

Great post

Weary Hag said...

Ed will LOVE these (his business card reads "Environmental Engineer." :)

The funniest thing I ever heard was long ago when I was acquainted with an Englishman via an online game forum and he told everyone he was a Bakery Engineer. He failed to see the humor as everyone "lol'd" him to death.
The thing we later discovered was that in England, apparently EVERY job title is followed by the word "engineer." Too cute!

Pearl said...

I knew there had to be more than 2 ways to see the glass. lol.