Sunday, October 16, 2005

The Differences Between Men and Women - Part 2

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. Female...... Any part under a car's hood. Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n. Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family. Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book. Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion. Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 . REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said ... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? She said . We don't know; it has never happened.

Nope, didn't write this one either!


utenzi said...

Michele sorta sent me, Judy. It was after midnight so it's only a sorta.

I like the he said-she said part but all the examples seem to be from the feminine viewpoint and obviously mistaken. ;-)

I hope you have a nice calm week now that the weekend is over.

rockjock said...

Correction ... addition? to no.3 ... it's the note you leave when taking off with the boys on a fishing trip lasting more than 3 days. ..... So you aren't reported as missing to the police.

Weary Hag said...

Now ... I realize this is said all too often in the comment arena, but when I tell you that I nearly spit my tea across the room on number four, and on the second "he said" ... trust me, it went up my nose instead, but just saying.

vicki said...

You are finding more than your fair share of funny material to work with Judy. This one is laugh out loud funny first thing this morning. Gene passed on the therapy cafe cartoon- and that I immediately passed to a group of colleagues I meet for lunch.
Thank you!
So, when you scan old photos what kind of scanner do you use? I'm wanting an expensive, small, easy to USB use for my laptop that does a pretty fair job.

Angie said...

You have opened the door for Hoss to walk in with something very witty. I am coming back after he makes his rounds.

Tyra said...

That was too funny, thanks for the laugh!

Michele sent me.

Suburban Turmoil said...

I love this. It's hilarious! Thanks for a good laugh. I'll have to share it with my husband.

Karen said...

These are great. Thanks for sharing....

Jamie Dawn said...

This proves that truth can sometimes be funny.

srp said...

Reminds me of a story:
A man and his wife were having a fight; giving each other the silent treatment. They had not spoken in days and neither wanted to be the first to give in.

The husband had a business trip and a plane to catch and needed to be up by 5AM. In order not to break down and talk to his wife, but needing her to get him up; he left a note on her bedside table that read..."Wake me up at 5 AM."

The next morning the husband awoke to bright shining sun, birds singing, and when he looked at the clock it said 9AM. He had missed his plane. Ready to start screaming at his wife for not waking him, he saw a small piece of paper on his bedside table.

It read: "It's 5AM, GET UP!"

There must be a moral in there somewhere.

Pirate said...

You are so on top of us. you have figured us big time.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

He said: What does enlightenment mean?

She said: Discovering that the toilet paper goes in the "over the top" mode.

Duke_of_Earle said...

I was going to comment, but after all that male bashing I'm not sure I will. OK, I'll admit it, stereotypes can be funny. Glad I can't personally relate to any of those, though.


Duke_of_Earle said...

WOO-HOO!! I've been exempted!

Thanks, KJ!


Tan Lucy Pez said...

FUNNY! Truly laughing out loud funny.

The truth hurts, huh guys?

rockjock said...

Judy just as a point of clarification .... I have not left the note ..... but I know of a former co-worker who didn't and was amazed when the police stopped him 4 days later saying he had been reported missing. He had been fishing.

colleen said...

Men are from Mars and women are from Venus! Some good ones here...gonna share them with my husband. The only one that didn't fit for me is that I'm the one with the remote control...flicking around (which doesn't mean a heck of a lot because we only get 4 channels!)

Mike Ashley said...

Being a male tip-toes in, types this quick comment and sneaks back out!

Very good! LOL!