Friday, September 16, 2005

Warning.....The Consumption of Alcohol May........

LIQUOR WARNING

Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause! you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.

28 comments:

Yaeli said...

I love the one about telephoning people at four in the morning!!! It is SO true!!!
Thanks for the laugh today!

Michele sent me.

Raindrop Fairy said...

And people wonder why I don't drink! ;-)

Thanks for stoppin by my blog.

dena said...

I love them all! Perfect time to post - just before the weekend.

visiting from michele's this morning.

Laura said...

Judy, that last line reminds me of some of tehe word verification code on the haloscan comments. lol

Laura said...

er.... "the" not "tehe".

(I haven't been drinking either).

honest.

;)

Cecilia said...

This is why I drink mostly at home! And under the guarded eyes of someone! ;)

Love this post. It's hilarious!

srp said...

Ah, I have known some of these people. Could add one: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to try to dance the fox trot on a table; this is not possible. Saw someone try this.

poopie said...

Boy, ain't it the truth.....

Romani Heart said...

When I'm offered a drink these days I always tell people that alcohol makes me pregnant. It's funny to watch them.. it takes them a minute to process it lol.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Worse: The consumption of alcohol will lead you to say "I'm all right" when someone suggests you should not be driving.

Fine list, Judge Judy. Thanks.

brendalove@gmail.com said...

The consumption of alcohol will lead to a mighty hangover.

And that's enough reason for me to leave it be.

Carmi said...

These are soooo funny. Which explains why I barely drink. Imagine that, a journalist who hates alcohol. Weird!

Inanna said...

I love alcohol, so I am well acquainted with these... :)

la la la I can't hear you said...

funny, now I'm ready for a nike glash of winr.

ps. michele sent me, but I like coming here anywy.

ribbiticus said...

am actually allergic to alcohol. sometimes wish i could just live dangerously so i can at least experience all the fun. :) michele sent me.

TC said...

That is such a riot! I love those!

Michelle sent me

Raehan said...

Laughing out Loud.

-E said...

HAHA great post!

Michele sent me.

Star said...

All funny. But do you really need alcohol for those things to happen?

The Mistress of the Dark said...

LOL!

Thanks for the laugh :)

Heather said...

I exprienced some of those side effects first-hand last weekend at my cousin's bachelorette party!

Lish said...

Hi and thanks for visiting my blog! I tend to call my old high school sweetheart after imbibing to much. Its called a DWI - Dialing While Intoxicated. He calls me this way as well.

Hale McKay said...

They all laughed when I jumped up to dance...how was I supposed to know I was sitting under the table at the time?

Great list! Though I do most of them wwithout having a drop to drink!

Thaleia said...

So funny!!! LOL

Here via Michele's

PresentStorm said...

lmao those are funny ...I love the last one ..I tried coming here from Michele's earlier but froze up ...So I am back :)
I hope you are having a great weekend !!

Jamie Dawn said...

I'm loving this! This post is proof that Hoss's way of thinking is beginning to infiltrate all of blogdom.
Coming from you, makes this post even funnier.

Becky said...

I love the one about dancing like a retard. I don't even want to know what I look like...

jordoja said...

Great

Google sent me...