Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Advice for Both Northerners and Southerners

If you are from the northern states and planning on visiting or moving to the South, there are a few things you should know that will help you adapt to the difference in lifestyles:
The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens
The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt..
In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....do not buy food at this store.
Remember, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.
Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to use it.
Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.
The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.
If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'l ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.
Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
AND REMEMBER:
If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if
the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.
Have a good day! Send this to four people that ain't related to you, and I reckon your life will turn into a country music song 'fore you know it.

This is another gem from my email; I didn't write it and I don't know who did.


17 comments:

Peter said...

Now that could grace the pages of my site and feel perfectly at home, very funny, it was meant to be funny!!!onzucy

srp said...

"The South has crawdads" - and catfish.
"Movie rentals and bait" - we had a store in Columbus,MS that was a music (records, tapes, CDs) shop, pet supply store and hobby shop combined.

Peter said...

Oops the last bit wasn't meant to be there!

brendalove@gmail.com said...

I can think of several people needin' killin' right this minute.

Angry Pregnant Lawyer said...

I was thinking the other day about one of my best friends from college, who still lives in Wilmington, and how she introduced me to the great Southern expressions "all y'all," "y'all'ses," "used to could," "might could" and "fixin' to."

lucylocket said...

When I moved to New England and the girls at the office took me to lunch the first day, I ordered iced tea with my meal. The waitress looked at me like I was nuts and said they didn't have it in the winter. (It was about 10 deg.and snow on the ground.) I told her to bring me a cup of hot tea and a glass with ice. Viola!
Iced tea. And they thought all Southerns were stupid. I showed them!

Laura said...

ahh, the South. it's just a whole other planet down here ;)

I was laughing at Lucylocket's comment too. who ever heard of NOT having ice tea year round!

Pieces of Me said...

Hey ya'll!! I am a georgian so this is all too familiar!! LOL! I loved it!! Most of its true some not so true...I actually moved here from Florida and I always kid my hubby by tellin him that he married me cause he knew I was from out of state and couldn't be related...everywhere we go people are like oh I am your fathers brothers second cousin LMAO!! Speakin of family reunions we have 2 more comin up!! Talk to ya'll later!

Pieces of Me said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
The Mistress of the Dark said...

That's so funny!

Hey wait, We've got a Waffle House about 30 miles from here and I'm in PA :)

Have a great day! Thanks for the giggle :)

Gerbera Daisy said...

All of this sounds SO familiar. I lived in Arkansas for 2 years when I was in my 20s. Anytime I opened my mouth, I got, "where you from? You are not from around here. You're a Yankee." Then I moved to New Jersey and I hear, "What part of the south do you come from?" I was raised in southern Indiana so I'm not from the south. But everyone thinks that I am by my accent.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

So, is "3" a lucky number, or an unlucky number down there in Dale-land?

FTS said...

I've seen this one before and it still makes me laugh. :)

yellojkt said...

A few more heads ups:

If you don't ask for "unsweet tea" you'll get sweet tea.

We don't give a damn how you did it up north.

And..

If it was so great up there, Delta's ready when you are.

utenzi said...

I just love Wafflehouse--they have such great hashbrowns. Yum!

warcrygirl said...

LOL I've lived in NC for 12 years now and I'm STILL asked where am I from. :)

Found you via Michele, always nice to see a fellow Carolinian.

Carmi said...

....but I'm so glad you took the time to share it. I loved seeing the north segue into the south as we drove from the Great White North to Florida last winter. It really is a different - and wonderful - world.

I am here, yet again, from Michele's. Another Sunday, another opportunity to make folks smile!