The Curious Incident of the Catalog Order; or Why I Didn't Get the Bathing Suit I Wanted!

All I wanted was a new bathing suit; bought with a minimum of trouble and time. A catalog came in the mail, and while I don't usually succumb to their charms, I decided that the 30% coupon on the front page made it very worthwhile to choose something. So, I picked out the 2 pieces I thought would look the best on my increasingly "dough boy" type body, filled out the order, enclosed the check and mailed it on June 4th or 5th.

After almost 6 weeks with no UPS delivery, I checked my online bank site and sure enough, the check had cleared. So armed with that information, I called the catalog customer service. You know what that entails, don't you? Number upon number to press, after listening to what seems like a recitation of the whole phone book (with the ever-present admonishment to "listen closely, as our options have changed"). Finally, I was connected to a live person (at least I think he was live; I could barely understand him, as he sounded like a robot. Perhaps this company outsources their customer service to a foreign country?

I explained my problem and gave him the requested info, only to have him report that "We have no record of your order". I replied "How can you have no record of it if you have cashed the check?" He had no answer for that, but he decided I had ordered the bathing suit from another catalog company, not the one he represented. I was speechless, but quickly regained my voice. "How can you say I ordered it from another catalog if the following things are true:

1. The front cover of the catalog says Lane Bryant.

2. The back cover of the catalog says Lane Bryant.

3. Every other darn page in the catalog mentions Lane Bryant.

4. My check was written to Lane Bryant.

5. It says "Brylane" on the reverse of the check.

At that point, HE was speechless, and decided he had to transfer me to his superior immediately. I had to repeat the entire problem, of course. At least the superior spoke with a somewhat more recognizable accent. She concluded that I had to look on-line at the reverse of my check again, and read her the routing numbers. The trouble was, there were four separate ink stamps on it, some of which were overlapping, and impossible to decipher. She was satisfied, however, when I finished reading what I could see, and asked me for the catalog numbers of the items I wanted, so she could re-issue the order.

This is when I discovered that I had forgotten to make a copy of the original order. Of course without that, I had no way to remember what I had ordered, how much the pieces cost, what percentage off the coupon had been for or what the shipping cost should be. I felt like a dunce (doesn't happen often). I don't suffer fools easily - especially when the fool is me! We settled on a refund, to be sent in 7 days. A further problem is that since it is well after July 4th, and all the bathing suits have gone on sale, I will have a very hard time finding a suit that fits and has all the other qualifications I require. So if you see a black, 2-piece swim suit with a small skirt, only a little decolletage, skinny straps, and a price tag under $60, will you buy it for me? I promise to pay you back!